Needing more time to neglect the kids

Ours is (probably, arguably) the most popular house in the neighbourhood. Amongst children, that is. Kids from near and far are drawn to us. Apart from our astonishingly charming personalities, the full size basketball goal and 12 foot trampoline in our tiny back patio probably has something to do with this.

As a result our lovely house sometimes feels a little bit like a Californian phone booth circa 1959 (pictured right).

I am told that in the 1800s, three families used to live in my house, one family to each two-room floor. My experience now confirms that this is a barefaced lie.

A big Victorian family like the one pictured couldn't possibly fit in a terraced house like ours unless they were skilled in stacking children. Or perhaps they had ways of keeping the whining under control.

No doubt, the Victorians had never intended these houses for sitting room football matches or dining table ping pong, inescapable imperatives of a modern childhood.

Knowing this, we sought to improve the quality of our life by acquiring a full size table tennis table. Now ping pong skills are of a higher quality and subsequently, our popularity with young people in the neighbourhood has skyrocketed further. However, there are only so many ways of arranging furniture around a tennis table.

Did I mention that I am a writer? Someone who makes a living by sitting in front of a computer all day. Next to the front window as it happens. Which means anybody on the pavement who needs a pint of milk or a small bowl of sugar can see that I am in and knock on the door. Which is a damn shame when one is deep in the throes of rehearsing what she would say to Brad Pitt (gratuitous picture, left) when he agrees to star in the film based on her manuscript which is currently not getting written.

All these comings and goings mean less time in front of the computer. Which is a bad thing when you are a writer and your only hope of conquering the literary stratosphere is to spend more time with your keyboard.

That’s why we are going to build a shed at the bottom of the garden.

I need to be alone with the computer, away from distraction.

And I need more time to neglect the kids.

Next: Choosing your shed is something of a beauty pageant

Choosing your shed is something of a beauty pageant

Deciding to get a shed was far easier than actually choosing one.

Once you start looking, the choices are mind-boggling.

Fancy something with rich cultural origins? Then go for a garden yurt.

Or even a Native American-style tepee.

Do you value gardening and design over conventional office features? Then you might enjoy Dig Garden Design’s small office garden.

Alas, when it came to the crunch, I could raise no spirit of adventure, no urge to make a contemporary style statement.

What I wanted was an office in the garden.

But even then, it was still a bit of a beauty contest . . .

I had no idea there were so many different styles of garden offices. I was spoilt for choice!

Apparently, sheds had become a massive growth industry of which I had no idea until I googled: "office in the garden".

I finally narrowed the choices down to the following points:

• Do I want a cottagey looking design or a modern look?


• Will the foundations tear down the Sycamore tree in the next door garden?


• Can I have broadband? Telephone? TV? A foot massage?


• What price was I (or, for that matter, the darling husband) willing to pay?


• Will it hold against an onslaught of small children, furry animals and night burglars?


• And most importantly, given that I get a severe allergic reaction to the sucking of builder's teeth, what kind of customer service was I going to get?

It was a difficult choice — so many charming customer relations representatives with impeccable manners, such intriguing quotes, such incredible references! It was not easy, but to our eyes, one company emerged a clear winner.

We decided to go with Rooms Outdoor and not just because of the customer representative's baby blue eyes and winning smile.

Here at last we had found the shed most likely to inspire a novel on which a movie starring Brad Pitt could be based.

We celebrated in an appropriate manner.

Coming soon: you may win the battle, but will you lose the garden wall?

Next: Yes, Virginia Wrote in a Shed